TFR SPooF 3: The New Past
by popgum99
Summary: First story anniversary! Rewritten first story!
1. Stones

TFR SPooF 3: The New Past

**Hello my fellow friends! As you see, I have re-written my FIRST story, _TFR SPooF_. Why's that? You know those 1-year-old art memes? Well, basically I'm doing that TO CELEBRATE MY FIRST YEAR AT FANFICTION! WOOT WOOT! So sit back, relax, get all your reading snacks, and READ! :D**

**~Popgum99**

_In my Neopian themed Narrator Office…_

Me: Another year, another remake. So most of you guys wonder why it's called 'The New Past'. Well, really, I'm rewriting the past, but I'm not replacing it either. *smirk* Confusing right?]

Amethyst, Echo and Whateva: *come crashing down the chimney*

Amethyst: *in a Santa costume* SANTA AME WON! :D

Echo: Dammit! D:

Whateva: _You _got the faster parachute! *whines*

Me: … Shall we start?

Brynn v.W: _Anything _to see how bad future Hanso is!

Hanso v.W: *whacks her with his Barney plushie*

_On September blah-blah-blah, a teenage blue orange-eyed talking goat-_

Hanso: What's a goat?

Amethyst: Ah, you stupid goat.

Hanso: …

Amethyst: *facepalm*

_And so, that goat is called Hanso-_

Hanso: *suave voice* Which means handsome. *waggles eyebrows at Hanso Fangirl*

Hanso Fangirl: *gasps and faints*

Hanso: *starts to trudge along to the Faerie Festival*

_And so Hanso, a thief, those plain normal thieves in Brightvale, didn't realize what was his destiny. And what's his destiny? What's the scruffy, stubborn little boy's destiny? A maker of petrified pies, an unpaid library intern, a wraith puncher, a smarmy hero, a Master of Insults, an Artifact eradicator, and ultimately, Saviour of the Faeries…_

Hanso: Oh fudge…

*faeries in stone*

Dark Faerie in stone: *wearing punk clothes and flipping a light faerie off with the Finger and about to complete a swear word*

Echo: Oooh. *grabs out her camera and takes a picture of the Faerie*

Hanso: Krusty the Clown's turned into stone! D:

*Krusty the Clown in stone*

Hanso: And look at this waste! *touches Fyora's necklace* GLASSES!

Whateva: *sigh* *gives him glasses*

Hanso: *looks closely* OH C'MON! 24 KARAT GOLD? TURNED INTO THE COMMON STONE? *smashes his glasses* RIP-OFF! *angry* SHAAAAME ON THE CREATOR! SHAAAAME!

Echo: *whispers to me* I'm not paying for those glasses.

Me: I know. Don't bother to anyway; I got them private health insurances.

Hanso: So much for my career. Well, there's plenty where that came from at *snorts* *sees the bag on the floor* Oh a bag! :D

Whateva: *facepalm*

Hanso: *feels the bag* Cashmere… Yes, yes… Cotton thread… ok, ok… And that's some fiiiiiiine silk (Return_of_Itsy quote! :D)… *gets stuff out of the purse* Some stupid fake gold tiara, some immature plastic bracelets… I never knew Faeries could be _so _cheap… Must live their lives as thieves… Yes, yes, they must… Oh goody! :D Metal car keys! And 5,000 neopoints and 500 neocash! *stuffs those in his pockets*

Altador: We should be nearly there at the club.

Hanso: MEEP! *hides behind statue*

Skeith Guard: Now we should turn left.

Draik Guard: NO, YOU IDIOT! *punches him* We're still going straight! You're reading the map wrong!

Skeith Guard: *stupid as usual* NO I'M NOT! YES I AM!

Altador: *facepalm* You guys are _miserable_.

Draik Guard: We're here.

Altador: HOLY MINITHEUS OF ALTADOR LOOK WHAT HAPPENED! D:

Hanso: *mutters* Who the hell in this decade says that anymore?

Skeith Guard: *screams* GHOST! *climbs on Draik Guard's back*

Draik Guard: GAAAAK! GET OFF ME! GET THE _PIE _OFF ME! GAAK! *running around really fast with Skeith Guard on his back*

Shadow: Who do you wanna call?

Skeith Guard: *panicking* GHOSTBUSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS! *gets thrown off by Draik Guard and bumps his head quite bad on the floor* *fights again with Draik Guard in a duel*

Altador: *obviously ignoring them* The most powerful Neopians turned into stone? This is tragic!

Skeith Guard and Draik Guard: *stop fighting and grab their spears*

Brynn: King Altador…?

Altador: ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! *grabs his golden sword and attacks Brynn*

Draik Guard and Skeith Guard: *attack with their spears*

Skeith Guard and Draik Guard: *try to stab her with their spears*

Brynn: *dodging them*

Altador: *tries to slice Brynn with an arc coming from the right*

Brynn: HYAAAAAH! *reflects the blade, leading Altador's sword to slicing the spears*

Guards: *grab their swords*

Skeith Guard: *tries to slice Brynn from the top*

Brynn: *parries it and counterattacks, leading the sword to be thrown to the ground*

Draik Guard: *thrusts*

Brynn: *dodges and swipes her sword at the guard of Draik Guard's sword*

Altador: Hmm, a hard one eh? I love a little challenge… *slices at her feet*

Brynn: *jumps on his blade and gets thrown off, doing a mid-air somersault and lands on her feet* *thrusts*

Altador *parries* *does an arc from above*

Brynn: *rebounds* *jabs at his feet*

Altador: *reflects the blade*

Brynn: *does a sweeping arc*

Brynn and Altador: *in an in-depth fight*

Hanso: *thinking* WTF? How does she do that?

Altador: *swipes at Brynn's feet*

Brynn: *jumps and slices Altador*

Altador: *manages to parry in time* The fight is finished!

Brynn: *stops*

Altador: Hey! You're from Brightvale! :D

Brynn: **No I'm from Darigan Citadel.** Anyway, King Altador. Your majesty, I am Detective Beckett, Brynneth Beckett.

Whateva: POPGUM! WHY ARE YOU CHANGING TO A CRIME TV SHOW CALLED CASTLE (Heck I love that show)?

Amethyst: Oooh, crime. :D

Echo: If it's a murder show, I'm fine with it.

Me: *whimpers* I felt a little Castle-ish today.

Brynn: No, screw that. King Altador, your majesty, I am Brynneth, or Brynn for short. I am Captain of the Brightvale Guard. His Majesty, King Hagan, has sent me to this strange occurance. If I could be of service, I am always free to offer my aid, except at meals and when I am taking a bath.

Altador: Well met, Brynn. Your king is wisely concerned. We could really use your help. Intelligence + Butt-kicking skills = Ultimate war machine.

Hanso: *silent* WTF she doing here?

Brynn: Right. Let's get this over with. *grabs a diet coke*

Echo: Diet coke? Really? Diet coke? Diet coke gets rid of the sugary kick! *rants*

Brynn: Now who could've done this? It's obvious that no stupid turtle like Skeith Guard over here *points at Skeith Guard*.

Skeith Guard: *picks his nose* *flicks it at Fyora*

Brynn: But Queen Fyora turned the Darkest Faerie to stone… So what Faerie could be more powerful to do _this_?

Altador: Yes indeed, Brynn. The magic looks quite alike the petrified Darkest Faerie somewhere in Maraqua, but the immense of the power of the spell is like hell.

Hanso: *steps out of the statue* Perhaps _I _may be of assistance?

Altador: ! *thrusts with his sword*

Hanso: WOAH! *dodges it*

Draik Guard: *downward arc*

Hanso: *dodges*

Skeith Guard: *tries to stab him but epically fails*

Echo: *tries to hit him with her chainsaw*

Amethyst: *tries to poke him with her pokey stick*

Whateva: *physical combat*

Me: *tries to slice him with my Katana*

Brynn: *notices* DON'T ATTACK HIM GUYS!

Hanso: *screams* OR NOT! IT WAS ONLY A SUGGESTION! D: *hands up in surrender*

Brynn: Hanso! WTF are you doing here? Mucking around in my business?

Altador: You know this idiot boy? He's quite… charming for his age… Aren't you two the Brynnso figure?

Brynn and Hanso: *shake heads*

Whateva: IN DENIAL! D:

Brynn: *sighs in exasperation* Yes our paths crossed lots of times, he spends most of his times in the Brightvale Dungeons.

Jazan: I won't trust him if I were you…

Everybdy: JAZAN!

Jazan: That's _King _Jazan, Altador.

Altador: Hmph, well well well if it isn't KING Jazan of Playground Bullying… Mind you, it's _King _Altador, _King _Jazan.

Hanso: C'mon… We can't trust him… He ruined Sakhmet and the Fruit Farms! And he hacked the Desert Scarab's Facebook and poked me and eventually unfriended me that time!

Jazan: *grabs him by the collar*

Hanso: *yells* True leather! This is true leather! D:

Jazan: An hour ago, I saw him stealing. How could we trust _him_, you know, with his pudgy baby face.

Hanso: _Excuse me?_

Jazan: *ignores him*And why would he be stealing from the poor helpless faeries?

Hanso: You said that cuz you have a crush on them! The flipping dark faerie!

Amira: *intrigued*

Jazan: How do we know it wasn't him that cast the spell on the Faeries? He stole jewelry and gold from them. I was keeping watch on him in case he was part of the curse.

Brynn: *facepalm* When will you ever learn, Hanso?

Hanso: *angry* NOT NOW!

Altador: Long time we last met, Jazan. I think it was… High School.

Jazan: *nods*

Altador: I want to free those Faeries too, Jazan. Was that the reason you came here too?

Jazan: **No.**

Altador: Well, as much as we hate each other, you're welcome on the team. We'll need more good people.

Jazan: Right. Let's kick some ass.

Brynn: I'm gonna regret this, but maybe we should listen to Hanso. He's our only lead. If we want to free the Faeries, let's listen to him.

Altador: *shifty eyes* I've trusted thieves before, in Kelland's case. They're worthy warriors, being very agile and swift. But take care in what you say, Ixi. *puts two fingers to his eyes and then to Hanso's eyes*

Hanso: *sneers* Why thank you, you're majesty, I'm touched. Now, as a matter for me to be able to buy food, drink, water and my apartment rent, I charge 5 neopoints a word, 10 for anything for more than two syllables, and I have 50% off discounts on Friday's-

*Sword pointing at him*

Brynn: *death glare*

Hanso: Ok ok, free of charge. As long we have everything we need. You see, I was walking in the outskirts of Faerieland…


	2. Stories

Chapter 2

_So I was walking the yellow brick stone road in Faerieland…_

Echo: *brings in giant snack tray* *eats (for some reason) a bowl of Caesar salad*

Whateva: Echo, why are you eating salad?

Echo: *stops* Wait, I am?

Whateva: *nods*

Echo: I thought I grabbed a bowl of popcorn. *shrugs* Somebody must've swapped the salad bowl with the popcorn bowl. But this salad doesn't taste too bad. *continues eating*

Whateva: *silence* *plays Cut The Rope on an iPad from nowhere*

Brynn: You already said that, Hanso. *grabs diet coke*

Amethyst: *flying ninja kicks diet coke* I EXPECT MORE FROM YOU BRYNN! *evil eyes* *drinks a Special Edition Amethyst-Stone-And-Diamond-Encrusted Refillable Coke Can* BAD GIRL! BAD! *whacks her in the head with a frying pan*

Hanso: Brynn, _seriously._ *grabs chicken drumstick* *chews and swallows* Give me a _break_. 'Real' thieves-

Whateva: Betcha you're a fake. :P

Hanso: *sour face at Whateva*Real thieves always case the joint first-

Brynn: *eats some ketchup-dipped French fries* To their advantage. According to the Neopian Lawbook, Section 12, Paragraph 1, Law No. 75-

Me: *groan* Politics…

Echo: Eh… Armin went to Law School once…

Whateva: I knew Steve the Garbage Truck Guy's son went to Law School…

Amethyst: I knew some friend's relative went to Law School…

Me: I know Spencer Shay went to Law School…

Jazan: *eats some sushi with chopsticks* Having an ultra-sexy, supermegafoxyawesomehot thief for a wife, I must agree with 'Hanso'.

Brynn: *shifty eyes* Go on… Go on…

Hanso: *shifty eyes* With no more interruptions?

Me: *swallows some spaghetti* OMP (Oh My Pie), Hanso looks so feminine in this frame.

Whateva: *chokes on her gourmet Angus hamburger/cheeseburger* XD

Amethyst: *spits her coke* LMAO!

Echo: *accidentally spits out tomato bits* ROFLcopter!

Jazan: *splits his sushi laughing* !

Altador: *spills his Doritos*HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Brynn: *spills ketchup on the floor* Damn it, now I have to clean this up. D:

Skeith Guard: *whacks himself with a piece of a giant buttered baguette* *laughs stupidly*

Draik Guard: *drops his pizza* *cries* GOODBYE WILSON THE PIZZA! I'LL NEVER FORGET yOu!

Everybody: *laughing*

Hanso: *death glare*

Brynn: *stops laughing* I don't keep promises, loser.

_So yeah I was walking. And then this star came…_

Star: IMA FIRIN' MAH LAZAAAAA-

_I ran so fast and hid behind this rock…_

Hanso: MEEP!

_But then, under the cliff, just in the right angle, I saw Hubrid Nox…_

Altador: Isn't Hubrid Nox dead?

Skeith Guard: *asking when Magax is absolutely alive* Isn't Magax dead?

Draik Guard: Isn't your _brain _dead?

Armin v.E: BUUUUUUUURRRRRRNNNN!

_I didn't really expect Nox to be in Faerieland. After all, he had this evil and suave demeanour. He was holding something shiny, and he was talking about freeing Neopia from 'winged tyrants'…_

Nox: BWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH! I'M UNSTOPPABLE!

Echo: *punches him*

Nox: *gets a black eye* CURSE YOU! *runs after Echo*

Echo: *puts her hand on Nox's forehead*

Nox: *still running*

_And then he started chanting this ritual…_

Nox: Chant! Chanty Chant Chant! Chantificus Chantarum! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

*jets of water swirl, purple flames everywhere, birds flying, a large bubble forming, powerful winds forming, a giant silver snake slithering around, little sparks flying everywhere, ropes soaring in the sky, flames shooting out everywhere, tiny beams of light everywhere, serpents on the floor*

_And then there was a light…_

Hanso: OH NOEZ! *shields eyes from light*

Whateva: *snickers* Hanso looks a wuss in this frame…

_When I woke up, I ran as fast as I can to the Faerie Festival, but when I got there…_

Hanso: *gasp*

_All the faeries were petrified…_

Hanso: The end, kiddos! Any questions?

Skeith Guard: How did you know they were scared?

Everybody: *groan*

Jazan: Oh brother.

Draik Guard: OMG, you dolt! *whacks his hand*

Jazan: *to Altador*We haven't met in such a long time Altador.

Altador: *sigh* Sakhmet Boys-

Jazan: And Hunter High… yes… yes…

Altador: Can't we just call it a truce?

Jazan: *nose in air* Men do not surrender! Roman Men do not surrender! They must keep the war on!

Altador: Men surrender if they have to! Greek men try their hardest! They must keep the peace!

Echo: Lame.

Jazan and Altador: *argue*

_A few minutes later…_

Jazan and Altador: *wince about the small bruises they got from the four of us*

Jazan: I'd regret working with you, Altador. But we must work together like a Roman army.

Altador: We Greeks prefer to be solo heroes, but I must agree with you, Jazan.

Random Person: NOW KISS!

Dusty: *sigh* I got it. *kicks Random Person off to space*

Jazan: Let's compare notes.

Altador: Do you even have notes?

Jazan: No. *shows a drawing of a tiger eating Altador*

Altador: **Haha. Very funny.** *shows a drawing of Jazan getting chased by a dragon*

Jazan: *draws some stuff* Do you think that what the scoundrel said was true? In my case, I think it's a bunch of filthy try-hard lies. But perhaps I'm a biased beast…

Altador: Well, Nox couldn't pull a spell with _this _magnitude. I mean, really, he's _midget_.

Hanso: *telling the Guards some stuff*

Brynn: Sir, I don't think Hanso has _any _reason to lie to us. He did say the important things: Nox cast the spell, and the artefact he used.

Altador: Hmm… One of my High School Friends, Xandra, came to Cloudtower City to investigate. Yo, Jazan, you still remember Xandra?

Jazan: The nerd?

Altador: Yep.

Jazan: *groan* We're going to her?

Altador: Yes.

Jazan: *grunt*

Brynn: Hanso, could you-

Hanso: Show you my, undescribingly beautiful muscles under these sleeves?

Brynn: Really Hanso? That the best you got? *rips his jacket sleeves and throws them away*

Hanso: Hey! That was fine leather! D:

Whateva: And that's how Hanso lost his sleeves.

Brynn: Hanso, I'm serious-

Hanso: About your request?

Brynn: Seriously, Hanso…

_A few minutes later…_

Hanso: *handcuffs on his arms and legs, and duct tape on his mouth*

Brynn: Now describe the artefact in detail. *rips the duct tape off his mouth and takes the handcuffs off*

Hanso: YOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!

Brynn: I don't think the artefact looks like YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Hanso: **Haha. Very funny.**

Brynn: *death glare*

Hanso: *sigh* Of course. I never forget what a precious thing looks like.

_On the walk to the library…_

Brynn: Hanso? Why were you smart back then?

Hanso: Is that a bad thing?

Brynn: No, I mean, how were you so sure about what the bag was made of?

Hanso: *grin* A thief _always _must now how much worth is the thing they stole.

Jazan: Holy Kau, Faerieland sure's quiet today… It would be more relaxed if there was no villainy footing *ahem* Hanso *ahem*.

Hanso: Oh shut up, Jazan. We're supposed to work together, right?

Jazan: Yeah, but not act like some stupid _scab _to anyone.

Hanso: *sneers at Jazan*

Brynn: If Nox could do this to the Faeries, he could do this to Neopia and the TNT! We _have _to find him!

Me: *groan* What _are _we doing Brynn? Finding Nox!

_In the Library…_

Xandra: *investigating a Faerie's face* Look at that tremendous amount of acne…

Old Ogrin: Of course… I didn't know they were turned to stone until I bumped into one. I just thought they didn't want to talk!

Amethyst: Lame.

Altador: There you are Xandra!

Xandra: Altador! It's good to see you again! My, it was a long time I saw you…

Altador and Xandra and Jazan: Hunter High.

Xandra: Are these your children?

*awkward silence*

Altador: No. Errm, but listen, we kinda need your help… It's about the Faeries…

Xandra: Hmm… I see, I see… Well, I'd be more than happy too! There's nothing much on my schedule!

Altador: Well, you see, this young man saw an artefact that may be responsible for the Faeries…

Xandra: *sees Hanso* STOP! THIEF!

Guards: *back Hanso up*

*people crowd around him*

Xandra: *green glow around Xandra's hand*

Jazan: I remember when she took witchcraft for her course in college…

Altador: What the heck does this mean?

Xandra: That lying, dirty, vicious, pea-brained _monster _broke into my hut and stole _very _valuable things with me! _Don't _believe anything he tells you!

Echo: *turns on her chainsaw*

Hanso: *cheesy grin* Can I explain?

Brynn: *grumble* As Captain of the Brightvale Guard, I must get the most info I can get. So yes, you can explain, but make it _quick_. *shows her claws*

Hanso: Look guys, I, in fact, _didn't _lie to you guys about the stuff happening at the Faerie Festival… I just didn't tell you the whole truth.

Brynn: *annoyed face* Well maybe you should start. Now.

Hanso: *relaxed* Ok, so I _may have-_

Brynn: You did.

Hanso: Alright, so I _did _break into Xandra's place, and while I was there, it's most likely I snatched some stuff. I mean, I didn't go there for a tea party-

Brynn: *growls* GET ON WITH THE STORY!

Hanso: Stealing things is what thieves do, anyway. She tried to stop me by blasting these jets of green solid light-mist things, but as a level 98 thief, I was far too agile for her.

Xandra: *grunts* I'm level 97.

Brynn: Level 99.

Hanso: *grins* It's actually a pretty good story worth for The New York Times Bestseller List…

Amethyst: Doubt it.


End file.
